4th of July Fireworks

My alarm clock goes off at 10 am on the 4th of July.  DMBs "Ants Marching". 

I went to bed only 5 hours earlier, and opening each eye takes a very serious effort.

Sliding a finger across my phone silences the music and brings up the home screen.  I notice a text message.  It's from one of my PDs on Plenty of Fish. 

Her: Want to go to a party today?

Seeing as how I have no plans and, currently, no barbecue grill...

Me: Maybe.  What kind of party?
Her: Family get-together.

Oh sure, that's just what I want to do for a first date... meet her entire family.  I was about to politely decline, but she must have read my mind. 

Her: Don't worry, my family likes to drink, and they'll be fun.

Ahhh... so it's gonna be THAT kind of party.  I'm down.

Me: Where should I pick you up?

***

At 4 pm, I roll to a stop outside her parents' house.  There are 4 people outside, but none look like my PD.  I shoot her a text to make sure I'm at the right place.

She comes out of the house.  Thank goodness- her photo was accurate... unlike my last date.  Whew.

She hops in the car and directs me to her uncle's house through a twisting, turning path that leads us into the heart of one of the swankiest suburbs around.  Actually... "house" is the wrong word.  "Mansion" is probably more accurrate. 

The house sits on at least a full acre of land.  The landscaping is absurd, and the lawn looks like a putting green at Augusta.

The house is three stories, and it's stone.  100% Custom.  The inside is even more impressive than the outside.  Marble floors (with coil heating underneath, I later learn) and countertops everywhere, a table made out of some crazy Brazilian wood, and I could keep going for an hour. 

We get the tour of the house from her aunt.  From top to bottom, it's jaw-dropping.

Eventually, we are lead out to the backyard, which is just past the hot tub/fountain.  I almost laugh out loud.  Everyone is wearing LaCoste shirts.  No exceptions.  I've never seen so many of those damn alligators in one place.  Everyone is also wearing those white-plaid shorts.  I feel out of place in my cargo shorts and polo shirt. 

The bar is fully stocked, and it's all top shelf liquor.  There are two enormous coolers filled with a vast array of microbrews.

This place, these people... it all just screams OLD MONEY.


Over the next several hours, I meet her family.  ALL of them, including cousins, brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  Here are some of the highlights:

-Grandfather did the real estate deals on about half of the town.  He is now retired, but spends time as a dance host on cruise ships, doing the foxtrot with other octagenarians
-Cousin just got back from one exotic locale, and was heading to Belgium the next day.
-Uncle was an executive at a company in Connecticut... the company flies him out and back every week.
-Another Uncle worked as a pilot at a major airline for 30 years.  Spent the morning on the golf course where he had a rough day, according to him.  He shot a 79.

I met them all... doctors, lawyers, bankers, oil drillers, entrpreneurs.  It was all sorts of crazy... and then it got a little crazier.

After dinner, eeveryone began drinking in earnest.  My date's brother and the house owner were neck-and-neck for the lamp shade award.

A lady walks through the door... and falls down after slipping on the marble.

The little kids are running around catching fireflies out by the boat house.

My date is getting a little tipsy, and is stealing smooches from me whenever she can.

Someone breaks out a bunch of glowing tubes that people start wrapping around arms, necks, heads, legs, beers, and the dog. 

I shotgun a 20 oz Becks light... with the executive.  In the hot tub.  Twice. 

My date's brother picks up one of her younger cousins and tosses him into the hot tub.  He gets out, and they actually start fighting.  Watching rich people fight is hilarious.  It's like watching an open-hand slapping competition.

The fight ends the night.  The uncle that owns the house starts booting everyone out.

I drive the date home, then head home myself.

So THAT is how the other half lives.... I must say, having just gotten a taste of The Good Life... it wasn't half bad.